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G no.1 – ‘Go to the source’

This post is a bit late because I’ve been waffling on the subject. I had almost finished a post entitled ‘G no.1 – Gay’, but some recent events have left me feeling uncomfortable about discussing sexuality, and maybe I just don’t have anything important to say. So, here I am, hmming and hawing,  looking for a new subject when I get an e-mail…

I had e-mailed Dver at A Forest Door earlier this month asking to be included in her next oracular session. She is one of the bloggers that I visit on a daily basis (I check the blogs I follow in a circuit at least twice a day. I’m lame like that), and I love her work, so I  trusted her.

I had sent her the following question:

“Is there somewhere I can look to truly deepen my spiritual practice with regards to Dionysus or Hekate (or anyone else who is asking for my attention)?

In essence, I am asking about a good source; a teacher, a mystical experience, a name, an I-don’t-know-what. What should I look for, or put into motion?”

After waiting eagerly for the results of her (labour intensive) oracular session, she e-mailed me this response:

“Look to the gods, to truly deepen and not just learn to deepen. That’s where it all leads anyway. Go to the source.”

And there it was. My answer, and my new subject.

Go to the source.

I wrote back to Dver to thank her, and I told her basically what I am going to write here.

In all honesty, it’s not what I was expecting. But I do believe that is the point.*

I don’t know if it’s the dancer in me, the hours of technical class and perfectionism, but I always prefer to have a teacher or mentor explain a technique to me in full before I try to create something of my own from it. Technique is crucial! But, that leads to a lot of fear and tension when I attempt to do things without that mentor and full explanation. This explains my current state of ‘Armchair Paganism’. I am new to the path of Hellenism, new to Dionysus and Hekate. I don’t know the techniques, or the steps. It scares me. Not knowing exactly how it should be done keeps me from even trying, and that is keeping me from experiencing Them for myself.

Go to the source, Dver says, not to be taught by Them, but to experience Them and let that experience change you and start you on your path.

I am nervous because I don’t know all the rules or steps for ritual and praising Deity in Hellenism, but who better to tell me how to pray to Them or live for Them than the gods Themselves? Maybe They won’t be teaching me steps like a school teacher would, but surely They’ll let me know what pleases Them and what doesn’t.

I need to stop reading about herbalism, and start praising Hekate by actually working it.

I need to stop reading about ecstasy and actually get in front of my altar and experience it! Drum! Drink! Dance! Experience Dionysus directly! Ask Him, speak to Him, dance with Him. Go to the source!

As I said, Dver’s response wasn’t what I expected, but I am thankful for it all the same as I recognize the truth in it and realize that having heard it from the source now I really do need to get up, recognize the fear in me and shake it off!

* Right as I wrote this, my ‘Word of the day’ came in.

‘Boon’ – a thing that is helpful or beneficial

This isn’t the first time Word of the Day sends me a sign.