I hadn’t realised that I’d only posted this on my Tumblr account, and never here. So, while it is a bit late, here it finally is! Forgive me?
After 2 years, I learned a lot about myself and the world around me by doing something as superficial as growing out my hair. I talked more indepthly about it here,
The basic idea was that, since I first started following Dionysus after people said I resembled Him with my long hair, that I would grow my hair out for 2 years and then donate it the charity in His name.
In reality, the donation/deadline was insurance; I cut, colour, style, and fuck up my hair regularly, so setting that goal meant I was being held accountable and ensured that I wouldn’t cut it early. It also assuaged those around me who didn’t want me to do it, “Oh, it’ll only be for 2 years! It’s for a good cause!” I would tell them.
However, as the date approached I began to think maybe I wasn’t meant to cut it just yet.
My fiance, who had been counting down the days to cutting my hair, opened up to me in a big way about a lot of private things, least important of which was that he thought that my hair was sexy, and that the confidence I gained from growing it out was sexy as well. This was immense for me.
Guys on social media sites started telling me that, they too, found my hair sexy. These were places where I am regularly blocked when people see the first picture of my hair.
My mother told me that, despite what I had thought, she actually thought my hair was beautiful.
Then as I packed my things to head to Kaleidoscope Gathering, to celebrate my anniversary with Dionysus, I tested out our clipper so I could cut my hair there. It was dead. Completely.
As I got some snacks for the bus ride to the festival, Cups Song was on the radio; “When I’m gone, when I’m gone, you’re gonna miss me when I’m gone! You’re gonna miss me by my hair, gonna miss me everywhere! Oh, you’re gonna miss me when I’m gone!”
Then, at the festival, the hairstylist who offered to help me cut my hair had been unable to bring up her tools. But then I found another clipper! But it was about to die. But then I found a friend there who is a hairdresser and offered to help!
As you can guess, my convictions were wavering. I felt that in the final week I’d had so many conflicting messages about my hair that I couldn’t figure out what to do.
At the Witches’ Sabbat we discussed what to do in these situations (I don’t trust myself often, because I always get the answer I was looking for when I consult the gods, or an oracle…apparently the gods think my opinion is always GREAT!). So, I went to someone I trust very much.
Juniper, of Walking The Hedge, was kind enough to offer me a reading with her Bag of Bits. We sat in the sun, not far from the hustle and bustle of the festival, and she prepped her pieces. I asked my question, and she threw the contents onto her cloth.
Well, this reading had so much more in it than what to do with my hair!
Health and Healing stayed tucked away in the bag, “They feel they aren’t important here”. Danger and Witchcraft passing, like two ships in the night; Witchcraft in, Danger out. Secrets regarding Femininity being blocked. Those need unlocking. The World Tree and Spirits pointing to Masculinity; problems rooted in a Lack of Inspiration. Though there on the side, Commitment, traveling towards that Masculine Divine, with Earth and Nature in its path.
The Spirits? They have a message for me, but it is being lost, muddied, and made unclear.
From most of this I get “Continue on this path. Some of this you know. Some of this you know will come. You know. Continue.”
But most confusing of all; Sacrifices, falling off the cloth and laying face down in the grass. What does that tell me? Should I take the sacrifice off the table? Is this a bad omen? All of this is about this sacrifice I promised to make.
“Alright,” I said, “I won’t do it. I will donate it later, but keep it for now. More length is good to offer. This is fine.”
That is until Juniper began to put away her pieces. Opening the bag where Health and Healing had hidden away, we found another stow away; Animals, and Animal Spirits. This may seem inconsequential, until you realize that the token for Animals is a tuft of deer hair.
I thanked Juniper and left to think things through. What could this all mean?
Well, as I sat fretting over this Sacrifice token and what it all meant a friend said to me “Anthos, you learned so much from all of this. And that was more important. Do what you want.”
And then it became clear to me; I grew my hair out in part for those who needed Healing, and so during my reading the hair stayed tied to it. It was not part of my path anymore. The whole reading seemed to point to the present, rather than the future. My hair was going to be cut that day. My hair was no longer part of my life. The Sacrifice was over turned because in the end, the Sacrifice was nothing compared to the devotional act and the life-changing experiences I had because of it.
And, well, it felt right.
So, I cut my hair.
I cut my hair for Dionysus, and I cut it for those in need.
I cut my hair because it was so important, and because in the end, it wasn’t at all.
So, here I am!